Excerpts from the chapter, Their Eyes Were Watching Daddy

My Story

     “Wayne, that boy sho need you.”  Those words were etched into my spirit by my late father, Charley C. Croomes, Sr. over twenty years ago, speaking of my oldest son, now in his twenties.  “I know, dad. I know” was the only conviction I could whisper in response back then.  In a way, my dad was saying my son’s eyes were fastened upon me. He was watching my every move. Ultimately, those words would form a chorus in my head and change the way I thought about fatherhood.

     Charley C. Croomes, Sr. had known what it was like to need his father.  He was a former military man with an intimidating presence and had grown up in poverty in rural Oklahoma after his dad, my grandfather, abandoned his family when my dad was a boy.  My dad and mom divorced when I was a toddler and he was given custody of my two older brothers and me and eventually he settled us in Phoenix, Arizona.  I remember my dad as a hard-working man and fiercely protective of his family.  He was fond of telling my two brothers and me about how life was tough for him coming up; it was his way of reminding us of our greater burden of success.

     Over time, my mom and dad reconciled and remarried. It helped that my father, after years of struggling with alcohol, discovered Christianity and gave his life to Christ.    I began to see him in a different way.  He overcame an addiction and got his life together.

     My dad now sleeps with the ancestors, but his lessons remain crucial to my understanding of what being a father really means and the role we play in the lives of our children.

     He was there because he knew we needed him.  Sometimes God gives us a second chance to do something better.

Sacrifice

A lot of people think that a man who fathers a child should marry that child's mother. It's an old-school way of thinking, and, although I respect it, I don't agree with it. Each man should determine what is in the best interest of the child, based on several factors - not the least of which how he gets along with the mother. A mother and father who don't get along and who constantly butt heads can be, in my opinion, counter-productive for the health of the child. If the couple cannot resolve their differences through counseling, and if both are just that dead-set against resolution, then I believe they should remain apart. Better for that child to experience his parents  apart and sane than together and insane.

Reflection

The past few days have brought unpleasant news regarding the violent outcomes of child custody cases, the most  prominent one being the murder-suicide of the Powell boys in Washington state.  I urge all fathers who may be under duress to reflect, take a deep breath and somberly consider the preciousness of those lives entrusted to us. Plan your work, work your plan. Or, as the Psalmist put it, "Do not fret, it only leads to evil." (Psalms 37).