Love

"Love is my religion."
-Bob Marley

Single fathers: don't waste your or your child's time hating your child's mother! Focus your love on your child(ren)! They are what matters! Keep the faith!

Next TVR: Trayvon Martin and the Burden of Our Black Boys

Join me Sunday, March 25, 2012 for: The Burden of Our Black Boys.
In the wake of Trayvon Martin's senseless killing, how do we protect our black boys from a society that despises them? Plus, will there be justice for Trayvon? We'll ask a panel of mentors and social justice advocates!
Next TVR! Dial 347.215.9517 at 5pm central to listen or comment.
Raising awareness. Inspiring change.

Our Black Boys

I teach a youth group at my local church. During a recent men's conference, I addressed young, black males twelve to seventeen years of age. We discussed what their conduct – including body language – should be if they were stopped by police officers. We talked about everything from where there hands should be to how they should address the officer(s). Although the assailant (Zimmerman) in the Trayvon Martin killing was not a police officer, I’m saddened by the fact that Trayvon Martin – according to the 911 tapes – did what he thought was right in attempting to avoid conflict with the assailant, (the tapes prove that he attempted to run but apparently was chased down) but still lost his life. What do we say to our black boys?

Post from my chapter in No Glory Without A Story

I became a father for the first time in 1985, amidst an era of great personal idealism and ambition. I arrived at that momentous intersection of fatherhood early and immature.

     About a year and a half after the birth of my first son, an opportunity arose for me to study at a prestigious college in Texas.  I went for it.  I was guided by a belief that I was going to make myself a better man, but there had not formed a connection to being a better father.  My son would visit me during summer and spring breaks and I would fly home to visit as often as I could.       

     I became a father for the second time in 2007, after a promising relationship with his mother came to an abrupt end. By then my idealism about the world and my place in it had reached its apex.

     If you are an active presence in the life of your child or children, I salute you and encourage you to keep the faith. Keep it up!  If you are not, my purpose is not to berate you nor condemn you.  Rather, my goal is to share lessons from my own experience and leave you some kernels of advice in hopes that you experience the greatest joy as a father. 

Regardless of the relationship context, fatherhood is one of the greatest joys that life can offer. Fatherhood is a tool, an art and a science that was divinely designed to bring purpose to the life of a child.

Show up!

If you wish to be a part of your child's life - even if you aren't with the mother - the absolute worst thing you can do when you receive a summons for child support is NOT to show.  It is one of the most dizzying and exasperating experiences you'll ever go through - but do it!  They'll love you for it. Remember, they're eyes are watching you!

Ego

Something interesting happened during my weekend visitation with my son: Out of the blue he mentioned to me that his mother was having her birthday party this weekend. A moment of silence followed. He then says, "Are you gonna get my mommy a birthday cake?"  I was a bit stunned by his question for a minute, but then it all came together.  I've been telling my son since he was old enough to understand how important it is for him to love his mother - no matter how she felt about his father. Every time I drop him off I tell him don't forget to tell his mother  'I love you.' By asking me if I was going to buy his mother a birthday cake (because really, the thought had never crossed my mind), my son was demonstrating not only that he was following my instructions, but I believe he also wanted to know that his dad would practice what he preached and back him up in the demonstration of love. Sometimes we as fathers have to put ego aside and listen to the innocent, non-partisan voice of our children.  Then we find the peace and strength to do the right thing, and not be afraid of the results.